Willing to heal

i am willing to pry myself open
bleed all over again
scrape the flesh off the wound that is pretending to heal
i am willing to have to feel the pain
gnash my teeth
scream the ache out of this body which is refusing to heal
i am willing to heal
i am ready to heal properly
suction the sepsis that pervades my soul and mind and body
I am willing to live
I want to live
I am ready to want to live